I've spent my whole life feeling displaced.
It presented as a very painful sensation of not belonging. Not feeling met or understood in any way. A feeling (and deep fear) of homelessness, aloneness, isolation.
Even in familiar settings of my birth town, with friends & (especially) back in the day, with my family.
I've always thought I was fundamentally flawed.
Or damaged beyond repair from a very challenging upbringing.
Or that, through remembering my many lifetimes & accessing my transcendental gifts, I had lost the ability to feel at home in any one place or timeline. A kind of multidimensional untethering.
That feeling at home in the world was for others.
And I know I'm not alone in this. Many don't feel at home.
And so in the last 4 years or so, I got to the very real business of finding a way back home to myself, within myself, and my body.
I cultivated a profound connection with Earth herself, and that started to feel really good, but on a very basic day to day level, still not feeling at home in my life.
But realising, the more I found a home in myself, and familiarised myself with what that felt like, that my day to day life was definitely not in alignment with what home felt like.
And so I really started to ask myself...
What do I want for my life? MY LIFE. To feel at home in my life.
And had this question posed to me at around about the same time...
If you had just 3 months to live, what would you do with your last precious time here?
The answer surprised me but it was instant, and loud.
"Pack your bags, and go! Free yourself."
And I realised all that I was clinging to in order to not feel so displaced - my apartment, belongings, some relationships, staying put, creature comforts, the daily grind, and definitely a few old beliefs & hurts - were in fact the very things keeping me from feeling at home.
They had become a kind of prison. Again. Not for the first time.
I needed to expand beyond my ideas of home.
I was trying to make a home for myself in a box that was way too small for me.
Way too limiting.
A great example of how one's wounding, is also one's mastery.
Take note of where you're in contraction & feeling tight or afraid - and go there, that's where you'll find your medicine.
And so I faced my fear, consciously freed myself, and doors I couldn't ignore started opening.
I leapt, I committed (getting here was rife with challenges) and I find myself here on this island in Greece...
Feeling more at home then I've ever felt before.
Living the life of my dreams. Free, Expansive.
At peace. Nurtured. Vibrant. Healthy.
(My very regular migraines have disappeared here.)
The largest version of myself. Here in this tiny village. Living super simplistically. Very quietly.
Amongst a bunch of strangers, most of whom don't speak the same language.
With little to none of the comforts I'm used to. Living a life with barely any structure, guided by my needs, desires, feelings, play.
Curiously observing.
And in this I've really been pondering...and I'll ask you these questions...
What is home to you?
When, how, and with whom or what, do you feel like you belong?
What, or what can you imagine, belonging feels like to you?
How free do you feel to know and live the life you want to live?
How at peace and in harmony do you feel?
How playful and fun is your life as a whole?
Can you trust each day's unfolding?
What parts of yourself feel left behind, left out, missing?
What illusions of adulthood have you bought into? How do they serve you?
Is the life you're living aligned to your needs, desires & feelings? Or do you override them for "shoulds" and "musts"?
What version of yourself is showing up? The largest version or the smallest?
How expansive does your life feel or have you put yourself in a too small box?
And most importantly...
“How best can you serve life?”
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“If you're brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you.”
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- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love
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I'm under no illusion that this is my life's path so that I can guide others to serving life as best they can, so if any of this sharing inspires you, and you feel ready to leap, please reach out - let's work together.
I serve two clients (or couples) daily, online, through various supportive offerings.
Some more pics...
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