But like any truly wild ride I’m left with the overarching sensation of freedom.
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I broke down, broke open, broke through this year. Still am. So many old patterns, pains, timelines re-experienced, processed, and let go of. Because I really no longer have a choice. The suffering, discomfort and, at times, full body agony of holding onto them is just too much to bear.
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I’ve been to the darkest parts of myself, lost myself there for a little while, and really started thinking I’d never make it out.
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A year ago to the month, I was called into communion with Ayahuasca. I’d gone to her to clear my human trauma from this lifetime, so that I could be an even clearer channel to the Divine. Ha!
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She told me to prepare myself and then she took me deep down into the Earth, to the darkness, buried me there entangled in the roots and told me to find my way out. That no one could save me from this, this was my Rite of Passage. It was the toughest, most terrifying journey. I very nearly didn’t make it out. It took everything I had. I should have known…
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Finally, at the start of this month, I realised that I’d spent this entire past year finding my way out that dark place. That in fact she buried me deep in the roots of my own body. That there’s really no such thing as clearing your human trauma. You face it, sit with it, feel it, learn from the experiences, reclaim aspects of yourself, heal your wounds with love and self compassion, and only then can you can let go of the pain and suffering, but are left with treasures of wisdom. And through such a courageous journey you become an even clearer channel to the Divine, within. Within.
Indeed, the only way out is through.
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